


i've been so good this year

by revivify



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Luffy Has A Panic Attack, Post-Marineford
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:15:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25341556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revivify/pseuds/revivify
Summary: Luffy reminisces about the family he once had.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	i've been so good this year

Three hundred and sixty-five days, Rayleigh says. 365. That's all the days in a year. It's been a year he's been training on Rusukania. It's still odd to him, foraging through the greenery of the jungle. Though it should be familiar, he grew up in a place like this after all. Surrounded by nature and animals far bigger than what others say is normal. A grin stretches across his face as warm as the sun. Remembrance is second nature to him, though he hasn't reminisced in a while. How could he forget? Dense forests, daily adventures- days alone with no one but himself, Sabo, and Ace.

Ace.

He sits up, lets Shanks's hat slip forwards over his eyes.

His _brother_.

His smile slips, and clouds begin to cover the sun. A familiar tremor rips through him. Knuckles turn bone white as he clutches the bandages trapping his chest.

He remembers. He doesn't want to, but he does.

His hands rip forcefully away, ripping bandages in their wake. A hiss makes its way through his teeth, but it's not from the garish wound that marred his chest. A whimper escapes him as he leans forward, head pressing against the chill grass.

Ace's name tastes like ash in the back of his throat and feels like blood dripping from his shaking hands.

A sob dies in his throat, a cry that wants to be known. He's not sure if he can cry anymore, if it's a luxury he's already spent. A weakness he can no longer afford.

Freckles dusted across a familiar face, content smile under dead eyes, youthful body limp in his arms. It's wrong, wrong, wrong.

His head shakes, feverish, trembling, denying.

Ace is his rock. He is the world and Ace was his atlas. A steady presence when his thoughts run wild, when he is foolish, and when he is weak.

Luffy is oh so weak.

No sob comes when the first tear falls, only the sound of his haggard breath stains the silence. His mouth gapes to form words that he knows will never come. He hits the ground. Once. Twice. Dirt clings to his forehead where it mixes with beads of sweat. A dam breaks, an all too familiar snap as a guttural scream leaves his throat. Brown eyes well up with tears as the sobs finally wrack his body.

He doesn't want this. This weakness. He doesn't understand it. It's been a year, he's gotten stronger, he knows this. Knows that were he back he might have a better chance, knows that maybe his effort would have been worth so much more. So why is he still weak? How can he be a captain with this weakness, how can he support his nakama if he couldn't save his own brother, how can he, foolish and weak as he is, become _King_ -

A grip around his skull.

Luffy knows Rayleigh is talking. Knows it like he knows there is blood dripping from a gash on his forehead. But he can't make out any words, just the drone of his voice coming from behind that he cannot comprehend.

Rayleigh sighs and shifts to sit next to him. Calm and grounding. The hand shifts from Luffy's head to his shoulder. A firm squeeze speaks louder than anything Rayleigh has said to him.

Another sob. The boy curls against his mentor and wails. Luffy is small, smaller than he has been in quite a while. Hands gripped tight into a soft cotton shirt.

Rayleigh does not move, does not speak, yet- he does not need to. This will pass. The older man gazes out into the sea.

And he waits.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just something short and angsty I wrote a while ago, but I hope y'all like it! Shout out to Az for proofreading.


End file.
